girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
