erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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