i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My dick has a subreddit
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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