I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
