Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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