Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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