I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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