Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize