i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
