So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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