I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
