I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
