I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize