Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
