the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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