happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is Oprah even human
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
