He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
