I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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