My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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