Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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