What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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