wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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