Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
