He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
