Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
