So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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