So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
