Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
