Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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