Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
