is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
