Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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