so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
