I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
