a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
