did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
