we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
