I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
