I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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