Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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