We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
