So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have feelings that need drinking.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
