i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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