I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
