So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
