I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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