when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
