did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
