My room smells like vodka and shame
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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