Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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