did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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