She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
