I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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