Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
