wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
