Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
