I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
