so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
