Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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