haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Found the puke drawer
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
