dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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