my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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