I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
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You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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