You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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