I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
