Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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