Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
