DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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