i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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