dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
