it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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